Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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