I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
