Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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