woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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