Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
