Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
