Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The power of my boobs compel you
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
