Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize
