I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
