is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
