she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
should my penis look like a turkey
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i believe in u and ur pee
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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