we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
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NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
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Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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