you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
