we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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