She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
honey bunches of taint.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
3pm strippers are depressing
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
