Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
