Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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