i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
