KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
