Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
