Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
