The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
