You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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