I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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