I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
