The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
