You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
