its not stalking. its research.
you would pick up someone in the library
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
