No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
