Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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