It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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