I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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