Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
