Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
