I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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