i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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