I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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