4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
