i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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