new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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