Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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