It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
