Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
