Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
