I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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