what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
