Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
