it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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