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what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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