pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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