i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
