You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
