coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
