Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
