Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
