You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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