my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You made out with two different species that night
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
