There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
