I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
