wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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