At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
