would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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