Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
