you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
