I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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