She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
