My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
