true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Text me some of your sweat
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
