took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
