Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
